Rest, Part Deux

Resting is hard for me. Anyone else?

Last year I learned a weird thing about myself—I have a smidge of ADHD.

This explains so much!

I’ve always felt like the black sheep of my highly organized, over-achieving family that somehow always makes it places on time.

And then there’s Meredith, who gets easily distracted or overwhelmed by visual clutter and yet, I don’t know what to do with it. I never could keep my room organized, and God bless all my college roommates who had to put up with me losing everything because I was disorganized and perpetually late because of the losing of things.

I’ve told people for years it’s like I have squirrels in my brain and they’re at a rave.

Squirrel: do kids today even still go to raves?

With a crazy kind of hyperfocus, I managed to do pretty well in school. My mom and Sesame Street taught me to read so young that I don’t remember not being able to read. And from there, I became a kid who loved learning.

Hyperfocus is kind of like a superpower: you can lose time when you’re so engrossed in things you love. This is good and bad. See: aforementioned lateness.

ADHD looks different in girls and often goes diagnosed. I thought I couldn’t have it because I did well in school. I even went to law school. And graduated.

But the rest of my life has been consistently unorganized, and I have always battled racing thoughts and going like I have a motor attached. My friend Linda used to call me the Energizer Bunny.

Thus, rest is hard.

God is so good to have given me a neurodivergent kid with an ADHD brain to raise. For years, I’ve been learning tools to help him, and along the way, I found that they helped me. Long before I knew our brains worked similarly.

I have so much more compassion, both for my kid and myself now. We have to work really hard to do the things that seem to come naturally to the rest of our family. My siblings, parents, husband, and daughter and other two sons are excellent at thinking logically, organizing themselves and everyone in their vicinity, and completing tasks.

They show up places early (because if you’re on time, you’re late).

Meanwhile, I have several unfinished projects—from manuscripts of books I’m working on to sewing to learning to play the drums to reading 7-10 books at any given time.

You should see my office. Current situation: overwhelming.

I have timers for everything, from when to put dinner in the oven to don’t forget to pick up kids from school.

Otherwise, that amazing hyperfocus will get me in a Time Warp and suddenly I’ll be 15 minutes late even remembering I have kids who need me to get them from practice or school or a friend’s house.

God has given me gifts along the way that have helped me understand more about myself. My hubby, who is the most logical thinker of all, acts as my voice of reason. I’m so grateful God gave me a man who is able to untangle himself from emotion and help me see things from a factual standpoint.

Mr. Wonderful also helps me be able to rest. I know that when I’m overwhelmed and need a minute, he’s got the con, and everything will be ok. He’s so good to remind me to Sabbath—he takes rest very seriously, and I need that.

Rest is good, I’m finding. I just need to access it more. Can you relate?

I’m grateful for our three kids who just seem to manage life and know what they’re doing most of the time. And I’m grateful for our other kid, who, like me, maybe needs some timers and reminders and lists. And encouragement to rest.

We may still be late, though. We’re working on it.

📷: @centelm